Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Top 10 Comebacks for Brig. Gen. Michael Walsh to Barbara Boxer:

Visitors might want to share their opinions and write to the lovely and talented Senator from California: (reminder: be nice)

Senator Barbara Boxer
112 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
(202) 224-3553
(202) 224-0454 fax

Have you ever wished that you could have thought of a good comeback when dealing with an idiot.

Usually the perfect "zinger" comes to us later on, like in the shower or driving (like George Costanza and the "Jerk Store" retort.) Here's my opinion on what the General should have said, but being an honorable man, he had the discipline to bite his tongue. (Now THAT'S "Army Strong.")

Here are my Top 10 comebacks to Sen. Boxer:

10. "I was going to say 'Madam' but then realized that you probably have never run an actual business."

9. "Chairman Boxer. My military training has instilled in me a code of conduct and decorum that requires that others be treated with respect. The terms “Sir” and “Ma’am” have historically been used as terms of respect and deference to those in senior authority. It was with this intention that I addressed you in that manner: to accord the courtesy and respect you have indeed earned by ascending to this lofty office. I only wish that you had the good manners to reciprocate this common courtesy to a Brigadier General in the United States Army."

8. (In a raspy voice like Marcie to Peppermint Patti, and with apologies to Charles M. Shultz) “I apologize if you find the term disagreeable, sir.”

7. "Senator—American is made up of many ethnicities, cultural backgrounds, political views, sex, color, creeds, occupations, life experiences, etc. The American people are routinely reminded to be accepting, understanding, and tolerant of the perspectives and traditions of others. The military is my culture; being a walking hemorrhoid from California is yours. I will try to remember to respect your request, but, should I forget or accidentally slip, I ask that you try to respect mine."

6. "I called Senator Baucus “Sir” a minute ago, would you like me to use that term with you, too?"

5. (In his best Bobby De Niro imitation) “Are you talkin’ to ME?”

4. (apologies to David Allen Coe) “I don’t have to call you Darlin, Dar-lin. I don’t have to call you by your name…”

3. "Next, the committee will hear testimony from Heidi Fleiss. She's also demanding to be called 'Senator' because like the Chairwoman, she's worked hard to get where she is too."

2. (Apologies to Jimmy Buffet) “I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here. Your voice sounds so wonderful, but yer face don't look too clear. They say you are a snuff queen; Honey I don’t think that’s true. (I'd stop here, because the General is a family man with undoubtedly better taste.)?"

1. "Sure. Would you prefer 'Senator Asshole' or just plain 'Senator?'”