Monday, April 13, 2009

This is your luck day, Mr. 4th Pirate

This guy is the luckiest man on the Indian Ocean. (OK, maybe not this particular guy, but someone just like him.)
(thanks Drudge)

Remember during the first Gulf War (the one we didn't screw up), and the guy affectionately nick-named, "the Luckiest Man in Iraq?" That fellow became infamous during a televised military briefing featuring cockpit videotape from the US bomber jet using its laser guided bomb to take out a bridge in just seconds AFTER an Iraqi military vehicle drove over it. The explosion imagined seen in his rear view mirror probably didn't come near the wreckage found later in his Fruit-of-the-Looms when he realized what happened. (As Bill Cosby once said: "First you say it; then you do it.")

Well, something like that has just befallen the as-of-now unidentified "4th Somali Pirate." This guy is the last pirate standing from the successfully (thank Goodness) completed Navy SEAL sniper recruiting campaign on Easter Sunday. Conflicting reports had him either on board a Navy ship negotiating for his comrades, OR injured, voluntarily surrendered and in custody.

Whichever is correct, the guy didn't meet the fate of his three now deceased buddies who apparently never pirated Cinemax signals to watch any of those average Tom Berrenger movies. (I imagine he needed new underwear too.)

But that's not what makes him lucky. This is why he's so fortunate.

"The (Eric Holder's) Justice Department could bring charges against
a Somali pirate captured in a hostage standoff in the high seas...."

Lucky No. 4 will soon be winging his way back to a nice, safe jail cell in the US mainland. He'll have the best medical care (and probably the only dental care) he's experienced in his life, eating three-squares of his favorite ethnically/religiously sensitive foods, sleeping above the floor on lice- and bedbug-free beds. But best of all, he'll have the pick of the litter from this country's criminal defense lawyers, most likely assisted by the ACLU, to help him beat this rap.

I can hear it now:

"Honest judge, I was minding my own business, walking down the street, when these pirates came along, made me to get into their car and forced me join them on this boat-raiding mission. I'm innocent."

He'll probably sue for wrongful prosecution and emotional duress, and get a nice judgement by a jury for mistaken identity and the inevitable mishandling by military captors and penal system employees.

In other words, he doesn't know how good he now has it. Getting picked up by the US military was the best thing to happen to this guy in his entire, pathetic lifetime.